A Letter to Santa

A Letter to Santa

Dear Santa,

We both know I haven’t been nice. I won’t lie.

(Treat people with decency? Who has the time?)

But though I was obviously not a good boy,

I still know I will get every single last toy.

I want to assure you—I really don’t care

If you give all the other kids old underwear.

As long as you spoil that one special guy

Who’s wearing my suit and my face and my tie.

‘Cause I’m the best human. I’m a quality dude.

Anybody who argues is stupid and rude.

Who told you I called women nasty and fat?

Shut your damn mouth! I never said that!

This Christmas I want some nuclear plans,

And a new pair of really big hands.

I want 30 strippers from the Caucasian race

And a huge island that’s shaped like my face.

I know I will get this, because I am the best.

There’s no need to put my promises to the test.

I am nice to me and so, since I’m all that matters,

I HAVE been good this year! I’m the top rung of the ladder!

If you don’t give me everything I wrote in this letter,

I’ll throw a huge tantrum. You should have known better.

My negative feelings are never my fault.

Don’t become a victim of my Twitter assault.

The other kids on your list can go straight to the dump.

Merry Christmas to me.

Love, Donald J. Trump.